My mind is racing a million miles a minute. I wish it would slow the hell down! Why? Because when it gets like this, I get excited. Neat and great but then I tend to overextend myself. Although when I push myself like that, I am rewarded greatly! Not with money or material things. Something worth far more than anything someone can give me.

Currently I have been in the process of getting everything organized for Girl Scouts this year. Yes, if you haven’t heard, I am a Girl Scout Leader. I love it! I love helping these girls learn confidence, self respect, and so much more. It can be overwhelming because I am responsible for not only my own daughters but someone else’s daughters too. But I have been working hard to get a whole new year for these girls and to get more girls involved. I know that if I can help one girl then all this hard work is worth it!

On top of all the Girl Scout stuff that I am engulfed in, I have taken up babysitting jobs too. Babysitting jobs that aren’t as fulfilling but it helps my family out. With the trips to the doctors, I like knowing I am helping. It’s just overwhelming to see these bills add up and watch my husband work overtime everyday. Praying about it has really helped.

I have actually been praying about a lot of things lately. It has led me to want to evolve in different ways. Not just as a woman but as a Christian, mother, and so much more. I will be spending the next few months taking a look at the things in my life and seeing how I could evolve. Usually this thinking takes place while I’m drinking a nice cup of Cappuccino flavored coffee.  It is sweet and creamy. It also wakens my brain cells to think clearer. It is one of my favorite K-cups to reach for. Now I think it’s time to reach for another cup!

Tell me where you would like to evolve in your life?

I did receive a package of coffee to taste for this post from ACS java.

Recently I realized that our family had started eating not so healthy. I knew a change had to be made. It really became apparent as I was watching the Mamavation moms working hard to change their own lives. The first step was to quit soda. This has proven to be the biggest challenge! Honestly, I totally suck at it! I just have to have my pepsi! I was doing great for a few days. I would only drink coffee, tea and water. Then I got stressed and needed more. I was afraid to drink the coffee in the afternoon because I might not be able to sleep. So I needed another plan.

I love the K cups because I can have the delicious flavors. That really helps satisfy my sweet tooth in the mornings. That helps not only cut out the soda but the chocolate too. I can make some Mudslide coffee and it helps the urge against chocolate. I no longer eat cinnamon rolls regularly because I can satisfy that craving with my cinnamon roll K-cup. After I am done with my morning coffee, I am going to stick to flavored water and tea. I will also not buy any soda. If I don’t keep it in the house, I can’t have easy access right?

Now that I have the soda plan down, I’m going to work on the snacking. I try not to keep chips and stuff like that in the house. We usually have a lot of fruits and veggies in the house. The girls will eat fruit like crazy. But Mama needs chips on occasion. Ok let’s be honest. I need them regularly! This is where I need YOUR help! How do you get rid of the unhealthy chips in your house? Have you found a substitute that can help? HELP THIS MAMA OUT!

I thought I’d start this morning off right! The sun appeared to be shining and I had Mudslide coffee waiting for me! I was looking forward to the creamy taste of chocolate. There is no better way to start the day than with chocolate AND coffee! Then I climbed out of bed. Yep, I actually got out of bed! That’s when I seen the water dripping from my roof. At least the sun is still shining right?

This weather is seriously killing me! No wonder I’m sick. This weekend was gorgeous and absolutely beautiful. We had Girl Scouts on Monday where the girls were running around without jackets on. Tuesday, we had wind and lots of wind. It was Sydnee’s first Tball game and it was not fun being out there! I am just glad we live across the street from the Tball field. It made it so we could send the girls home when it got to be too much.

Then guess what we had on Wednesday! FREAKING SNOW! Yep that darn white crap! Seriously, shoot me! We’re supposed to get more today too! So I am sure that big yellow thing shining isn’t really the sun. I believe it’s just a big Nilla Wafer out there to taunt me. Damn thing! So from now on, I am going to put together a hit list. Wednesday is already on it. I’m also adding Mother Nature. For now, I’ll be hiding in bed with my Mudslide and dreaming of bikini weather!

It’s nearly 6 am. I have only been awake for 2 hours. But I woke up to two extra kiddos in bed with us and a leaking sippy cup. So I decided to get up and start a cup of coffee while I read in the tub. I recently started reading The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. I just read Dear John and actually liked it. I have also been reading The Secret. Now I’m trying to decide on another type of K-cup to try. I’m drinking Coffee People’s Donut Shop this morning. I have to say that I love being able to have a different flavored cup of coffee everyday!

So onto the real business at hand. Yesterday was my birthday. It was overall a good day. But like every other day that I have had in the last 6 weeks, I was in tears for part of it. I’ve never been one to put my negative feelings out there. Mostly because I truly believe that when I focus on positive things and try to laugh, it makes me feel so much better. It really does help but it doesn’t make the negative feelings just disappear.

Nearly 9 years ago, I lost my second daughter to SIDS. It was the first time I truly experienced depression. I’m not just talking about feeling depressed occasionally. I am talking about months of emotional pain that hurts like no other. The kind of depression that puts you into Zombieland. I had family and friends that helped a lot. I was on heavy antidepressants to help me sleep and get me through the day. I really threw myself into school and taking care of Ashley. She was the one thing in my life that kept me going. Knowing that if anything were to happen to me, she’d be alone. There was no way I could ever do that to her.

I eventually started feeling better. Days got easier and life was tolerable. I’ve heard people say that they don’t think they can go on after the loss of a child. But trust me, you can! You do what you have to do. I had to figure that out. Eventually I had another baby, Miss Isabelle. Even though I knew I would have a difficult time when she was born, nothing prepared me for reality. I would have severe panic attacks when she would sleep so soundly. If she went more than 2 hours at night, I’d wake up panicked. I was constantly checking her, touching her and just watching her. It was the first time I experienced Postpartum Depression, PPD.

I was put back on medication to help. After she turned a year old, I felt able to breathe again. It seemed like I had been holding my breath that whole year. I stayed home with her and refused to let her out of my sight for very long. I eventually started feeling better and was able to stop taking the medication.

Then I had two more babies. Each time I got PPD. The last time, I was on my way home and had to pull over. I just got hit with a panic attack so bad and started crying. It was scary. I went into a doctor and had been given medication. He said it would possibly get worse before it got better and that I couldn’t even take it while nursing. Yeah that medication wasn’t even going to be attempted! He didn’t even consider the medications that were safe for nursing! So I started eating better, exercising and just focusing on the positive. It really helped!

Now here I am. 1 month postpartum and still feeling the “blues”. I was expecting it especially after the preterm labor and having him early. I just knew I had to be proactive. When I start to feel down, I do things that will help turn my day around. I will turn on some music and dance with the girls. I will join in on random chatter on Twitter or Facebook. Anything to get my mind into a better place. It’s been working. But at the same time I find myself withdrawing from other things too.

Yesterday, I got a text from an online friend. This is a person that I don’t talk to on a regular basis but she knew something wasn’t right. She asked me how I was doing and told me she was a little worried. I was amazed that just when I needed someone, she was there. It was great. I am going to be getting some B complex vitamins today and going for a walk. The weather hasn’t been helping and I know the sunshine and warm weather will really help. She swears by the vitamins too.

So for the next week, I am going to be spending time outdoors when it’s nice. I will start taking the vitamins and eating better. I will also start working on starting an exercise routine. Next week, I will let you all know how I am feeling and if I notice any improvements. I am also going to go back to church this week. I will just have to keep Myles protected during services but it is something that gives me peace. I would also love to hear tips from all of you.

Have you ever had postpartum depression? What did you do to tackle it? If you’d like to share your story with a guest post let me know! I’d be more than happy to help you share it.

Another week come and gone! This year seems to be flying by! It’s actually kind of sad because that means that my little ones are growing way too fast! We are gearing up for Tball and Softball season. The girls absolutely love it! Sydnee has her first practice today! I am so excited to see how she does. I think that Tball is definitely my favorite. I love watching all the preschoolers running after that ball. It’s also been great watching Ashley grow into the player she is. This is a sport that I always despised. I was too afraid of the ball. But the girls have grown to love it and I have grown to appreciate it. I hope that Myles gets into it as well!

Since we are talking about sports today, I had to share my argument with you! Stoney was a wrestler. He has hope that Myles will be a wrestler. Personally, I am fine with that. I think that it is great to have the kids involved in extracurricular activities. The problem that I have is the weight issue. I have seen kids having to drop quite a bit of weight to wrestle in a certain weight category. I don’t believe that is healthy or right. Stoney doesn’t see it as much of an issue. After a discussion, we agreed that Myles will not be losing weight like that. If he needs to lose a little weight, that will be ok. But not a large amount. It’s great to be able to agree on this.

Well now I am nearly out of my coffee so I need to refill my cup. I think I might have to move my Keurig next to my computer desk so I have it all the time! But I do need to get up and out of here! Would love to hear what sports your little ones are involved in. Oh and since this is our Coffee Break, tell me any flavors of Kcups I need to try!

*I was not compensated for the link in this post.