The Morris Bunch Blog » Life in a Fairytale

Where have I been hiding?

Gena — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 19:17:44 +0000

Over the last few months, I have been quiet. Uncharacteristically quiet. I have pulled back from social media and focused on my family. It’s been amazing. My kids have needed me more in the last few months than ever before and that’s where I belong. In addition to spending time with them, I have dived into a ladies Bible Study that began in January. I also signed up to volunteer at Frontline Club at church. Between Girl Scouts, Frontline Club, Church services and my Bible study; I have been busy. It’s what I needed to help me focus on the last few months.

On top of this, I have been trying to take a weekend off a month. I’m lucky to have family around to help with the kids and let me recharge. It’s helping me stay strong and focused on what truly matters. I went to dinner with my family for my brother in law’s birthday. Helped my oldest with her History Fair project. I have been potty training not one but two kids! Apparently, Myles has decided to potty train and Kam can’t let him potty train first. My lovely sister cut and colored my hair too. I went black with blue intensifier and absolutely love it! Overall, I am quite pleased with the way things are going and even more so now that my priorities are where they should be. Life has been chaotic at best but I can’t complain because overall, it’s fabulous!

I don’t plan on being too quiet for long. I am hoping to start updating more regularly even if life tends to be a little crazy!

Do I hate my ex husband?

Gena — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 15:54:05 +0000

Most would think that after 3 months, I couldn’t possibly be over the anger and the feelings I have towards my soon to be ex husband. The truth is that I only wish him the best. Why? Because he is a part of my children’s lives. I want the best for them. That means that I let go of my ill feelings towards their dad and forgive him. Yes, he hurt me. He hurt them. But he didn’t destroy us. He gave us a gift. A gift that allows us to be loved the way we are supposed to be loved. I also have the ability to show my children what a marriage is supposed to look like. A marriage that accepts infidelity is not what a marriage is supposed to be. A marriage should be built on trust and a deep friendship.

As you can see, I have not given up on the possibility of love. Spending my time with bitterness in my heart will keep that from happening. If you are still holding onto that bitterness, it is time to forgive and work on it. I have strength thanks to God. He has provided that strength through my family, friends and most of all, my church family. It is completely normal to be mad and angry when your world is turned upside down. I was made to feel that I had no reason to feel that way. I was supposed to just sit back and be quiet. It becomes a problem when you hold onto that anger and let it fester inside of you. The truth is? I was not happy in my marriage. I stuck through it because I couldn’t be the one that walked away or pushed him away. He had to do that on his own. He did. Of course when he did, it was my fault. 100% my fault. He refused to take responsibility of the lies, infidelity and his own behavior. Was it 100% his fault? No. I made mistakes in the last year that I’m not proud of. But they were mine and I acknowledged them. I can’t live with the fact that he continues to ignore his own role. All I can do is pray that he will wake up and see the destruction he has caused and want to be a better man for our kids.

As for me? I am holding onto my happiness and taking control of it. The first month was hard but the last two months have been amazing. I am learning so much about myself and devoted to my children.

Adjusting as a single mom

Gena — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 19:47:28 +0000

For the past 5 years, I have stayed home with my kids. I considered it a blessing that I was able to stay home and we felt it was important. The beginning of December, I was thrown into being a single mom. When I say I was thrown into it, I mean literally. One minute, my husband is dropping off kids, telling me he loves me and kissing me goodbye. Hours later? I was informed that he is not coming home and left it at that. It hit me hard. Even with the rough times that we have had, I never thought he would just do this.

Nearly 3 months later and I am doing better than I thought I could. I immediately started counseling and was reminded that it wasn’t about who I am. I also realized that my marriage was not how a marriage should be. Now onto a new chapter. I was now a single mom of 5. I was angry and sad for my children. I felt that they would never have that family again. I was sad that one day their dad was there and the next he was gone. I had been a single mom before but this was far different. We had made plans to start buying our first home within 2 months. We had made a lot of plans for our future. Now I was working on a divorce with a man that continued to tell me he loved me for weeks after walking out. Juggling the emotions from that with the realization that I was doing this on my own.

I think the hardest adjustment has been helping my children adjust and dealing with my own insecurities. To impact those insecurities, I have discovered that the lies were started at the beginning of our relationship. My children have actually managed to bounce right back and handle things very well. Between counseling and my Faith in God has gotten me to a point in my life that I am beyond happy. I am not angry or sad. I am filled with pure joy and thankfulness. I deserve so much more than what I had been given. My kids deserve so much more than to witness a marriage built on lies. I have struggled with other single moms saying “welcome to the single mom club” when I want to break down. I know my role but it doesn’t make it any easier.

I know I have to get back onto a schedule. Especially with my busy schedule. I don’t have someone else I can rely on to help me run errands or even give me a break. It’s all up to me. So I looked at my priorities. A hard look. First of all there is God. It is important for my children to witness this as well because He has given me the strength I need. Second is my children. Their well being has never been more important. I am striving to give them that consistency that they need in their lives. My third priority is definitely the financial needs. Being a stay at home mom, I have made some money at home but not enough to raise 5 kids on. 6 weeks after our separation, he lost his job. With that came the burden of supporting my family on no income and no child support or assistance from him. God has continued to provide for us. I have been researching school options to determine what I am going to do with my life. I have become aware of the fact that I was completely dependent on one person. I will not allow that to happen again.

The biggest lesson that I have learned is to never let fear keep you in a relationship that is unhealthy. I let that fear keep me in a relationship that I should have left at the very first betrayal. I have no regrets because I have 3 beautiful children from it and have learned a lot about myself. Another lesson that I learned is that if someone is telling you that your expectations and desires are unattainable, they are holding you back! Being a single mom is hard work. A lot harder than making a marriage work but it isn’t impossible.

Expecting your expectations and nothing less

Gena — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:03:56 +0000

I have been told over and over that my expectations were too high. I tried to lower my expectations because of that. Guess what I got in return? Something I didn’t want. Last year I made a list of what I expected in a relationship. It was easy for me to come up with.

Honesty
Faithfulness
Godly
Loves kids
Communication
Hard worker
Funny
Persistent
Loves the outdoors
No drinking
Willing to help around the house
Supportive
Romantic
Accepting of who I am
Someone who enjoys the small things

I felt that these were all things that could be found in one person. I prayed over this list for months and thought that God was working in my ex husband’s heart. He quit drinking and started going to church with our family. He started making date night a priority. Then it all came crashing down and was suddenly gone. What I didn’t realize at that moment was that God was working. He just wasn’t working with the canvas that was already started. He was starting with a brand new canvas. The canvas started black and white like most canvases but he has slowly started adding color to that canvas and brightening my life. As the sunlight pours in, I am more appreciative of the God that has forgiven me. Seeing my children just as happy as I am, shows me that I am heading in the right direction. It is an incredible feeling! I will continue to pray for my expectations and let God lead me in the direction I need to go. He will continue to bless me over and over.