When Myles was born at 35 weeks, we knew what to expect. We were told that he could have developmental delays and learning disabilities. We were prepared for an extended hospital visit and complications with nursing. Since that remarkable day, he has proven everyone wrong. Obviously we did not get through everything without some hiccups. He had jaundice, high respirations, issues with breastfeeding and more. But we overcame them all. We took things hour by hour and then day by day. Now he is 5.3 months actual age and 4.1 months adjusted age.

At every appointment, we have great visits. He got to stop being compared on preemie growth charts as of his 4 month checkup. When we go over his development charts, he has appeared to be on the lower scale of full term babies. But he was in that scale. Because I knew a lot of people who did have babies within a month or two of having him, I find myself comparing. Yes I know, the ultimate NO-NO. Especially since these babies are full term babies. But when I hear babies that are a month younger than him doing things, it’s hard.

I think the hardest part was today. I went to the WIC office and there was a lady  with a baby the same age as Myles. She excitedly ask if he was trying to get around the house yet. I shook my head. Then she said, “Oh well is he rolling everywhere?” Once again I shook my head. Truth be told, he has rolled from tummy to back a handful of times. I know he can do that and I was so excited when he did do it. I recall setting my girls up in the boppy at 4 months to support them while sitting and then by 5 months, they were sitting on their own. I try to put him in the boppy and he just doesn’t have the head control yet.

Another thing that I know is that he will do it in his own time and boys are generally slower than girls. He gets plenty of tummy time. He isn’t even close to doing mini push-ups yet. He gets tired easily when holding his head up. So it doesn’t last long.I know I should be happy that he is doing so well but at the same time I want to cry. I know that God has it in his hands and if there was a true reason to worry, the doctors would be on top of it. I guess I just got used to being one of the moms that had babies doing things early and it’s hard being on the other end of the spectrum.

It’s been a few days since we had the echo cardiogram done. I said the results on Twitter and Facebook but was honestly still wrapping my head around it. We noticed a heart murmur when we took Myles in for his 2 month appointment. The doctor reassured us that it was probably nothing. But because he was premature and there is a known family history of murmurs, they scheduled an echo. The echo came back showing a PFO, Patent Foramen Ovale. We made our appointment for the cardiologist. During that time we seen a neurologist for an unrelated issue. They mentioned that they were unable to hear a murmur at all. So I mentioned it at Myles next appointment. TA DA! They listened forever and never heard a murmur again! I requested that we cancel our appointment with the cardiologist and try another echo in our hospital. The pediatrician agreed that this was a reasonable request.

On Tuesday, I took Myles to the hospital. I was praying that he would sleep. The pediatrician had told me that if he wouldn’t go to sleep, they’d want to reschedule a time that they can sedate him. He said if this was the case, we’d wait until he was older. As much as I don’t want my infant son sedated, I wanted answers too. In my heart, I knew all was okay. I thought it was a great sign that no one had heard the murmur in 5 visits.

While I was sitting in the room trying to keep this little man content and still, I knew I was wrong. Myles got sugar water through the syringe while there. He did pretty well until it was time to roll him on his side. That’s when he started crying. So we stopped for about 10 minutes so I could soothe him to sleep. It worked! He finally fell asleep so we could finish the last part of the echo.

We got the results on Thursday. My fears were confirmed when the pediatrician told me that he still had the PFO. He said it is a small hole and isn’t urgent. But because of Myles size, he wants him seen by the cardiologist. So we made an appointment again for Primary Children’s Hospital. Of course, with this little boy, I can’t help but think positive! He is such a fighter and will grow to be strong like his daddy!

I have had a calling. I could feel the intensity of this calling. I just wasn’t sure where it was leading me. So I was lost and confused. I thought maybe it meant this or that. I attempted different pathways. Then as I was sitting in church yesterday, the Pastor told us that God has one plan for us. We need to just pray what God wants us to do instead of praying to God to help us do what we want. I knew this was my answer to finding peace. Honestly it was an inner battle because I just knew I was meant to do something great.

I will admit, I’m not religious. I do believe and believing more and more. But that is another story. I know that through prayer, I can really find the answer. I have always known that I had a calling but I always wondered how I would know what that calling was. I wasn’t expecting a letter from someone with a plan. I wasn’t expecting a phone call. I knew that someone would be introduced to me and I would know they were here to be my mentor. This week I didn’t find just one mentor. I found a few through Twitter. They helped me understand some things that I really wanted to learn about. Then yesterday I was sitting on my computer talking on Twitter when it hit me.

• I want to help people.
• I love breastfeeding and want to share that love with others.
• When family and friends have questions regarding breastfeeding, they usually come to me.

I knew at that point that my calling in life is to help moms breastfeed. I don’t want to push my views on anyone but I know a lot of moms fail at breastfeeding due to lack of support and knowledge. I know because I was one of them. Obviously other women stop breastfeeding for a variety of reasons and I’m not here to change their minds. I think that it will only be frustrating to try to fight a battle that way. When I was breastfeeding my first child, I was young. I listened to others when they told me that she wasn’t thriving and needed more than what I could give her. So at 3 months I quit nursing. I felt beat down. The sad thing was that I didn’t trust my own instincts and I didn’t trust my doctors. I was told that because she was eating constantly that she needed a pacifier. That was the beginning of my breastfeeding downfall. I had to quit nursing my second daughter because I was going back to work and school. Between the two, I was unable to pump. When I was pregnant with my third, I was armed with the best weapon of all, knowledge! I proceeded to breastfeed for 18 months. At that time, I discovered that my kids reacted differently to formula. I didn’t know it at the time but the tummy problems my oldest had was due to formula and milk. All my kids have had an allergy that they didn’t outgrow til 18-24 months. I have successfully breastfed 2 more children til 18 months. 

My goal is to start a lacation program at UCSD in January to be a lactation educator counselor. I will complete that in March. Then I will work on the second part of their program, lactation consultant. I want to be ready to take the IBLCE exam in 2012. I will answer my calling no matter how tough the road is! The best part is that my husband never said anything but “sounds good to me.” Showing me his full support!

At nearly 5 months old, I was starting to wonder when this trick would start. I had to keep reminding Stoney not to leave Myles alone on the couch. I just knew it was coming! Anytime we put him on his belly, I’d have the camera ready. Then last night it happened! Of course I didn’t have my camera ready. So I ran to grab it and put him back on his belly. This is what he did! Be sure to check out how strong his neck is too! This is the first time he has ever been able to hold his head that high for that long!!