Posted by Gena in Life in a Fairytale | 22 Comments
Adjusting as a single mom
For the past 5 years, I have stayed home with my kids. I considered it a blessing that I was able to stay home and we felt it was important. The beginning of December, I was thrown into being a single mom. When I say I was thrown into it, I mean literally. One minute, my husband is dropping off kids, telling me he loves me and kissing me goodbye. Hours later? I was informed that he is not coming home and left it at that. It hit me hard. Even with the rough times that we have had, I never thought he would just do this.
Nearly 3 months later and I am doing better than I thought I could. I immediately started counseling and was reminded that it wasn’t about who I am. I also realized that my marriage was not how a marriage should be. Now onto a new chapter. I was now a single mom of 5. I was angry and sad for my children. I felt that they would never have that family again. I was sad that one day their dad was there and the next he was gone. I had been a single mom before but this was far different. We had made plans to start buying our first home within 2 months. We had made a lot of plans for our future. Now I was working on a divorce with a man that continued to tell me he loved me for weeks after walking out. Juggling the emotions from that with the realization that I was doing this on my own.
I know I have to get back onto a schedule. Especially with my busy schedule. I don’t have someone else I can rely on to help me run errands or even give me a break. It’s all up to me. So I looked at my priorities. A hard look. First of all there is God. It is important for my children to witness this as well because He has given me the strength I need. Second is my children. Their well being has never been more important. I am striving to give them that consistency that they need in their lives. My third priority is definitely the financial needs. Being a stay at home mom, I have made some money at home but not enough to raise 5 kids on. 6 weeks after our separation, he lost his job. With that came the burden of supporting my family on no income and no child support or assistance from him. God has continued to provide for us. I have been researching school options to determine what I am going to do with my life. I have become aware of the fact that I was completely dependent on one person. I will not allow that to happen again.
The biggest lesson that I have learned is to never let fear keep you in a relationship that is unhealthy. I let that fear keep me in a relationship that I should have left at the very first betrayal. I have no regrets because I have 3 beautiful children from it and have learned a lot about myself. Another lesson that I learned is that if someone is telling you that your expectations and desires are unattainable, they are holding you back! Being a single mom is hard work. A lot harder than making a marriage work but it isn’t impossible.
I became a single mom when my first husband died and it almost killed me. It was like he walked out on me and the kids in my mind. It was the most difficult and rewarding time in my life. I realized how much I depended on him and learned a lot about myself. I learned how strong I was and how I could ask for help and still feel like an independent and successful mother. At that time I only had 2 kids at home, but now with 6 kids and even though I am married now, I do not take for granted that at any moment your life can change and you have to be ready to go with the flow. The thing that kept me strong, was my kids and knowing that they needed me and I need them so we survived and I know that no matter what I can do it again. Best wishes to you and your family and remember we are strongest in our weakest moments.
I couldn’t agree more with you! I believe that God brings us trials so we can become stronger in Him. Then he blesses us even more!
Twitter: notimeMom
says:
My heart broke for you at the news… I hate hearing about things like this. But, I think God has much grander plans for you, Gena. You have made me laugh in Mamavation and I love hearing the fun things you are up to. You are amazing and you are going to blossom in this new chapter.
Andrea Kruse´s last [type] ..Project 365 – Day 60 (Who’s Cooking?)
Thanks Andrea. He definitely has greater plans and I am enjoying them!
Gena, you are such an amazing woman! Even though life has been challenging (to say the least), I’ve watched you pick up the pieces and proceed. You are a strong woman and I can only hope that if I were in your situation, I’d move forward just like you. You’re doing great. Don’t forget that!
Becca Bernstein´s last [type] ..The 365 Project: Photography Tutorial Library
Thanks Becca! It’s not easy but it can be done!
You know how I feel about this. I love you so much and I admire your strength. I am so glad that God has a beautiful plan for you. MWAH!
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I love you too! Thanks Suz!
Twitter: Shannon_Ott
says:
Gena,
You’ve been such an example of strength throughout this process. I am truly inspired by your faith walk and your beautiful, dedicated mothering to your children. I know that the days and nights must be long and weary when you are a single mom of 5, but if anyone can do it with grace, it is you. xo
Thanks Shannon. That faith is what keeps those days and nights easier to handle!
Twitter: sahans
says:
I’m so glad to see that through all of this your sweet, loving, and amazing spirit had not been broken.
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Steph if anything, it has only made my spirit better!
I am so proud of you how you have been able to handle this and move on and start rebuilding your life to even better. It’s funny how life works, you have to go through tough times and experience shitty things just to realize what you really want and deserve. I am confident that however difficult time this is, and I am so sorry that your children have to go through this, there is something much much better waiting for you – because YOU have the power to build that amazing life for you and your children, and you are already on your way. Your attitude, your strength, your grace is admirable, and I have learned so much more about you the past few months, and I am so proud of you. Keep keeping your head high, and have trust in God. The best is yet to come.
Katja of Skimbaco´s last [type] ..Leap with Me: Me in Ten Questions
Thanks Katja. I definitely know what I want now and refuse to ever settle for anything less again!
Keep your head held high! I am sorry you are struggling…I hope that you find encouragement in the Lord and His people. But, do not look to people for your happiness find it in the Lord, your children and within you….
Good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Patti, that is exactly where I found my happiness! Everything else is just icing on the cake
Love your priorities and your attitude that you deserve so much more and that your kids do too. It’s so cliche but so true – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And you learn more about yourself in the process too. Big Hug from DC.
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Thanks Janine. I have definitely learned so much about myself and I have come out even stronger!
Twitter: rajean
says:
Heavy sigh, been there, done that and while I’m sorry you’re in this single mom space, I will tell you it makes you learn who you are all over again. Maybe even know someone you didn’t know before. You are strong, brave, smart, beautiful – you’ll soon know life in the way you should have all along. Focus on you and your children, accept help from friends and family and know that your light at the end of the tunnel will shine in a spectrum of beautiful colors soon, very soon. Hello, now life. How exciting. XOX
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you are amazing! i know how hard it was with two, i imagine with five it would be WAY harder. but you can do it because you have such strength!! xoxo
Gena if anyone has the strength and positive attitude to carry them through a tough time it’s you! You totally light up a room anytime you are in it! You definitely have superpowers-you are an amazing woman, and mother. Make sure you add yourself to that list of priorities! You have to take care of you too. xo
First off I would like to say superb blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to find out how you center yourself and clear your head prior to writing. I’ve had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my ideas out there. I truly do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or tips? Many thanks!
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