Posted by Gena in Parenting | 2 Comments
Raising Boys: Mama’s Boys
When I found out that I was indeed carrying a boy after giving birth to 5 girls, I cried. Literally cried. Not happy tears, not sad tears but complete shocked tears. I just never expected a boy. When we decided to have another baby, we were both 99% sure this baby would be a girl. I was a pro at reading ultrasounds. I knew exactly what a girl looked like before the tech could say anything. So that day when I seen something besides the “hamburger,” my world had changed.
Everyone was excited because I would get to experience the “Mama’s Boy”. Like I had a clue what that meant. I was excited and happy but I was just not prepared to utter those words, “It’s a boy!” So many things were going to change. Having a boy meant all my pink baby gear was now useless. Having a boy felt like completely starting over. I had to learn a whole new system after being trained in a different one for 11 years. I was scared.
A year later and I am still scared. I’m afraid that he’s going to break his penis. I’m nervous that he’s going to know more about feminine products than his girlfriends. I know the kind of man I want him to be. How do I get him there? How do I cherish this Mama’s Boy and encourage his independence and masculinity. I want him to grow to be strong and hard working. A man that would lay down his life for the woman he loves. A man that is never afraid to say, “Mom I need you.” A man that will always stand for what he believes in. Most importantly, a man that loves Christ and teaches his own children to love Him. I have a long road ahead of me but I know that by loving this boy of mine, we will learn a lot from each other. Just like his sisters before him, they will teach me the biggest lessons in life. 
Now time to enjoy my mama’s boy while I still can.
You’ve got some great goals for your son, I’m sure you will have lots of fun with him as you do your daughters. I wish you all the best in your parenting.
Ian´s last [type] ..Australian Air Force Values
“Having a boy meant all my pink baby gear was now useless.” It didn’t have to be because pink is just a color. In fact it might have been very special if your son used the same pink things that your daughters used because it would have brought back sweet memories of your daughters at the same time you were forming new memories with your son. But switching to a different color did allow you to fully recognize the start of a new chapter in your life.
Don’t worry about your son becoming too girlie because your husband will provide a masculine counter balance. It is possible that a son can be born in such a way that he is won’t be fully masculine no matter what anybody does. But even that can be counteracted by your husband teaching your son what it means to be a man.
Sons do like to imitate the mother they love. Don’t worry if your son wants to imitate you. To walk in your high heels, to have you curl his hair in rollers. To play dressup with his sisters clothes, etc. Those times can be real sweet fun times for both of you. But they likely won’t go on beyond the age of 8 because your son will begin wanting to imitate his father. As most mothers will tell you once a son leaves the dress up stage there is no power on earth that you could get them to put on a dress, or makeup or have their hair curled ever again.
A boy playing dressup with his mother may be one of the most positive things to do because it does take the mystery out of girlie things for him and it reduces the chance of him needing to experiment with them as a teenager.
Of course a father always needs to spend time with his son. But it is even more important as the son leaves the girlie dressup stage. He needs to spend time with his father and feel that he matters to his father. His father needs to take him with him when he goes out on errands so the boy can learn to imitate him and his masculinity. His father wanting to take his son out with him will make him feel wanted.
He needs to interact with his father so he will begin to form properly both mentally and physically as a boy. A boy that doesn’t have attention from his father can have problems later with knowing who he is. He can have confusion problems with gender or sexual issues. It is the positive attention from the father that encourages the masculinity in the son.
There is nothing wrong with you enjoying your Mama’s Boy. But want you should never do is say anything that makes him think that you are dependent on him. A son should never be given the suggestion that the father isn’t providing the support a mother needs or a son will be scared to leave the home. He can’t be made to think that he can’t leave you because you need him.
He must be taught the value of the dollar and how expensive life is. He needs to be taught that you have money because Daddy works to make the money for the family. He needs to be taught that he will need to make it on his own. He needs to be reminded that he will make a life of his own. When you speak about his future you have to show excitement and pride in him growing up, getting an education and leaving home to make a life of his own family.