Posted by Gena in Parenting, Teens, Tweens | 3 Comments
Daughters and Dating
Having 4 daughters definitely has it’s challenges. Whining, drama, and an endless supply of beauty products taking over my bathroom. The biggest challenge that gives me anxiety is the idea of my girls dating. Growing up, I never had real rules to dating. My parents definitely did not meet all my boyfriends. When I had girls, I vowed to do things differently. Isn’t that what all kids do?
Stoney is actually more relaxed about the dating thing so far. I guarantee that will change as soon as the boys start knocking on the door! I have started talking to the girls and explaining the rules early. If you don’t think you have to worry about dating until they are older, you are wrong! Their peers are dating and having boyfriends in elementary school. I made up these rules after looking back at my own dating experiences. Even Sydnee, my 5 year old, knows the rules!
- No dating until 16. PERIOD. No negotiations. If a boy wants to take the girls out, he’ll have to wait until they are 16.
- Before they can go on a date, the boy must have dinner with us first. If meeting parents aren’t bad enough, having dinner with a cop should scare some of the boys off!
- No dating anyone with hair longer than your own. I guess if they want to date a boy with long hair, they’ll grow their hair out!
I’m sure there may be rules added to the list as we get closer. When I talked to one dad about his own daughter dating, he told me that he had one rule. That was it. That got me curious so I asked. Anything you do with her, you better be prepared to do with me. He also meant it! He was telling us about catching one boy making out with his daughter. The next day he showed up at the boy’s work and kissed him on the lips. He even threw in a little tongue! Guess who never came back? I told Stoney that we need to consider this rule.
We back up our rules with reason. There is a reasonable reason for them. They need to focus on themselves and their own worth. If they choose to wait even longer to date that would be perfectly fine with us. When they realize their own worth, they will demand nothing less than respect from anyone they are dating. We would also prefer them to date someone who is a Christian.
Do you have rules for dating? Any tips you would like to share?
We let our girls know that if they want to have a boy over to watch tv they can (I’d rather give them a place to be than worrying about them roaming around, and it also gives us the opportunity to keep an eye on them). It also gives us a chance to get to know him, and him a chance to get to know us. One of our rules is: if she is going to his house, the parents must be home.
Twitter: iCreateHeartArt
says:
Gena, this is such a great topic to think about and talk about with other parents. I agree that it’s never too early to start talking to our daughters (and sons) about “the rules” or expectations or purpose of dating, courting, and friendship. While we don’t have formal rules yet, we’ve already been having some great talks with our girls about marriage and dating. I think a really honest look at purity, what it means and how much it is truly worth, will be an approach we take. There are a lot of great resources out there. We’re already teaching our daughters to pray for their future spouses – not that they will have them someday, but praying blessings over their lives. He’s already out there somewhere, living life. My oldest dd (9) was praying and said, “and if he lives in China or Brazil or America, help us find each other and keep him safe”. If she ends up marrying someone from China or Brazil, I’ll let you know!
Twitter: TisforTonya
says:
DYING laughing over the dad slipping in a little tongue… *shudder*
We also follow the no dates before 16, and then encourage them to do group dates for awhile thereafter… so far my only child to hit that magical age is a boy – and the only date he’s been on was a girls’ choice dance…
Some of the other rules:
-a date has to have a PLAN. No “hanging out”… no “we’ll just see where we end up”…
-a date has to have a set time that it will be over – and both sets of parents should be aware of this time.
-dating the same person over and over again is discouraged – ask out someone else… or be prepared to wait awhile before the next date.
16 is still young… at 16 you’re learning about what you do and don’t like about the people you date. At 16 you should not be deciding who to spend the rest of your life with… it is a RARE (but not unheard of) couple that has been dating since their teens.
I thank my lucky stars that I did not end up marrying the guys I dated when I was 16 (he’s a creep), 17 (he’s gay), 18 (hmmm… don’t know what happened to him),or even 19 (philanderer)…
maturity counts for a lot when making a lifelong commitment.