Abuse is a very sensitive subject for me but at the same time it is something I will always fight against. I don’t want my daughters to experience the same battle I had to overcome. If they do, I hope they will have the strength to get out as well.

My story began like any other teenage romance. Boy meets girl,  flatters girl, girl thinks everything is perfect. He has won his way over with her family. Before the girl knows it, she was in way over her head. The only person that seems to matter in this world is the boy. The only friends she could talk to were his friends. She was slowly disappearing and she didn’t even see it coming.

Honestly, I don’t even know if my friends noticed the change in me during this time. I don’t know if it was a slow change or a sudden change. I just know that a change occurred and I wasn’t the person I used to be. I was like other teenage girls and had a low self esteem. But I was promised the world and believed it. I thought the abuse began with the first physical act. I didn’t realize the abuse began nearly from the beginning. The truth is: Most physical abuse doesn’t just start one day. There are warning signs. Signs that we often miss. It took me nearly a year after the first physical act to leave. I had even moved in with him. I was hundreds of miles from family. I had no friends to turn to. I was 17 and alone with a baby. I didn’t have a phone and when I could make a call they were never allowed to be private. I was living in fear.

If you don’t know if you are in an abusive relationship, ask yourself some important questions and be honest with yourself.

Does your partner…

• Have a short temper?
• Act very jealous?
• Exaggerate fights?
• Tell or suggest what you should wear?
• Try to limit who you talk to?
• Make you tell him/her where you are going and who you are with?
• Tell you when you have to be home?
• Put you down?
• Take up most of your time?
• Hurt you physically or throw things at you?
• Get angry when you disagree with them?
• Pressure you to engage in sexual activity that you feel uncomfortable with?
• Make you feel like you can’t say no to sexual activity?
• Embarrass you in front of others?

In the beginning, you may not even realize what’s going on. Your partner may just keep you too busy to hang out with your own friends. These are warning signs that you have to really look at. Be aware of them. If you feel you may be entering into an abusive relationship or there are warning signs you are concerned about, seek out a friend. Talk to someone you can really trust. If you feel that your in even more danger, then you can call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474.

I know it isn’t always easy and it isn’t always possible. But know that you don’t have to be alone! I know it takes courage to want to leave. It is not easy to leave any kind of abusive relationship. Do not be afraid to turn towards your family and friends. Even if you have not talked to them in awhile, they will always be there. I learned this and found that they were my strongest supporters and provided the strength I needed. Then you need to focus on yourself and learning who you are again. Surround yourself with a positive support system. If you have weak moments, then they can be there for you.

If the abuser attends your school then discuss the situation with school officials. This is especially important if the abuser has threatened anything or even has you in fear. Always remember that it isn’t your fault. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. If you do not have someone you feel comfortable talking to there are hotlines that can help.

LoveIsRespect.org National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
1.866.331.9474

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1.800.799.SAFE(7233)

National Youth Crisis Line
1.800.442.HOPE(4673)

National Sexual Assault Hotline
1.800.656.HOPE(4673)

National Center for Victims of Crime*
1.800.FYI.CALL(1-800-394-2255)*Monday-Friday 8:30am-8:30pm ET

On Fairytales and Tiaras, we will be discussing this more in depth. I will be sharing my story and how I got out. Fairytales and Tiaras will be live on Tuesday, April 27 at 5 pm EST. The replay will be available here shortly afterwards if you miss it. Next week on Girl Talk, I will be discussing steps to take if you suspect your teen is in an abusive relationship.