Posted by Gena in Girl Talk | 7 Comments
Let’s Talk Girl Talk: Mean Girls
Having four daughters, I know that I have to worry about boys. The last thing I thought I’d have to worry about is other girls. It’s true though! I have to really worry about how cruel these girls can be. It’s terrifying. In the last couple years I have heard a lot about bullying. There are movies made about it like Lindsay Lohan’s Mean Girls, Michelle Trachtenberg’s Ice Princess and more. We hear about bullying in some form in the news frequently. It seems to becoming an epidemic that can hit our kids and hit them hard. So what do we do about it?
The first thing we have to do with bullying is look in the mirror. Are you a bully? Do you criticize others openly and frequently? Do you get a thrill out of making fun of others? Be honest with yourself when asking yourself these questions. The truth is that our children learn how to bully. This doesn’t mean that the parents are to blame. They may not just learn it from the parents. But as parents, we need to step up to the plate and protect our children even if that is from themselves.
Bullying is no longer a harmless act. Currently in the news is a story about a 15- year old girl, Phoebe Prince who was bullied and harassed over months. She eventually killed herself and now the bullies are being charged. A mom of one of the teens charged defended her daughter by saying, “saying she never lifted a hand against the tormented girl but just “called her names.” In my opinion, that shouldn’t have even been tolerated by a parent. She claims that Phoebe started it by calling her daughter names and having it turn into an argument.
Bullying isn’t just physical. Bullying occurs when someone intentionally hurts or scares another person and that person has a hard time defending themselves. Bullying happens over and over. Some examples of bullying are:
- Punching, shoving, and other acts that hurt people physically
- Spreading bad rumors about people
- Keeping certain people out of a “group”
- Teasing people in a mean way
- Getting certain people to “gang up” on others
If you suspect that your child is bullying someone or is being bullied by someone, you should act fast. If we work together as parents with the schools, we can put a stop to this behavior before others end up hurt. It isn’t going to be easy and there is no easy solution. Let’s face it, bullying doesn’t have an easy button! Tolerating any kind of bullying behavior is not the answer though. Justifying the abuse as a part of growing up is just asking for trouble.
Personally, I hope that my own daughters know that they can come to me if they are feeling bullied. I want them to feel safe going to school. I also want them to be compassionate and strong. If they see someone else being bullied, I want them to have the courage to stand up for that person. I also hope that as a parent, I can see the warning signs if they don’t come to me. Not just as a victim but as a bully. I don’t want to be in the position to have to watch my own child being responsible for another student harming themselves.
Now I’m curious. What steps do you think need to be made to prevent bullying? Do you feel that bullying is just a part of growing up? Why? Do you feel we need stiff consequences for bullies and those who ignore it?
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I live where Pheobe Prince did. Our town is so media crazed right now. While I don’t agree with what the group of kids did (there were 2 boys too) but the school system IMO is to blame as they did NOTHING to stop it even though they knew it was going on.
Plus, now everyone is so outraged that they are setting piss poor examples by bullying the hell out of the kids. Two wrongs don’t make a right. To me it makes it worse. Before you had kids picking on kids…now you have adults picking on kids.
Such an incredibly sad situation all around. The Pheobe’s poor parents should not have to be dealing with this right now. THey should be think of her daughters prom!
.-= Jennifer @ J. Leigh Designz´s last blog ..Aloha Friday – Step Aside Susan Boyle! =-.
Although mine is a boy that is occasionally bullied, we are dealing with bullying, too. Yesterday, a boy gave Ryan, my 8 year old, a pencil because his was broken, but the boy demanded two tickets from him, and said if he didn’t give them to him, he was going to tell on Ryan. When my husband went to pick him up from school, he went immediately to the teacher. This child and another are constantly talking about R rated horror movies that they have seen and about T and M rated video games that they play. It’s sad that children in second grade are allowed to view these kinds of things, and that they turn around and mistreat their classmates because of the attitudes that are portrayed in these movies.
Ryan was calling the boy that tormented him a few names to me when we were discussing the situation, and I told him he shouldn’t call the kid names even though he was mean to Ryan. We talked about praying for the boy and hoping that he was able to have some good role models in his life, and that he would make some good decisions. It’s hard to know how much involvement we need to have, and when to let them handle situations on their own. But in second grade, I’m going to probably step in and help him get his voice so he can stand up for himself.
Jennifer, I totally agree! The school system should be held accountable and help these students! From what I have read, they knew about the situation and were well aware of it. Instead of just putting her on watch, they should have been doing what they could to help her. They really let her and even the bullies down. Now they need to learn from this tragedy and take action to prevent a repeat of this incident! Not just there but in other schools as well.
It is very hard to know when we need to let them try to work things out for themselves. I think if you have a line of communication open for your child it will be easier to know. Listen to them and talk to them about it. Let them know that they can come to you and tell you anything. I would step in when your child’s behavior starts to change or you start to notice your child is in fear. They may not always tell you even if they have told you about the incidences. Also DOCUMENT! Document anything they say! Keep records of when you have talked to anyone else like a teacher or principal about the incidences. I hope that Ryan can be rid of this bully and enjoy school!
Twitter: theladya
says:
I also have a problem with my 12-year-old step daughter. She is “dating” a boy her age and in the same grade and he gets her upset on a daily basis. He accuses her of “flirting” too much or talking to other boys too much and he doesn’t like that. They “break up” and he “dates” other girls and gives them little gifts in front of my step daughter and tells these other girls that he loves them in front of her. When he and my step daughter are not “dating” anymore he calls her fat and says mean things about her and to her. Truth be told he probably says mean things to her a lot more than we know about.
He gets her so upset she posts crazy things on her MySpace page (which I don’t agree with a 12 year old having anyway but her mother allows it and her dad don’t stop it either so…) like she is in a “cut throat” mood and she posts to him that she loves him and can’t live without him and she don’t know what she’d do without him.
He has even has made sexual gestures to her while leaving school on her way to the bus (witnessed by my spy 10-year-old son who is on the same schedule as her now, lol).
Now I “dated” boys when I was her age but when we broke up, that was that. We were friends again the next week and he and one of my best girl friends were “dating” and who cared right. This generation of girls are wanting to move way to fast and in are being pressured by other kids their age.
I think she’s also under pressure to look cool in front of her friends because here lately she thinks it’s cool to do things to get in trouble and get after school or day long detention, which my son always tells when her name is called for it so even if she tries to lie about it we find out, plus the school sends letters home, which I love that they do.
We talk to her until we are blue in the face that she doesn’t need to look cool for anybody and just focus on making good grades and being herself but there seems to be so much pressure for teen girls these days.
Angela,
That is really sad. honestly, when I read this I think of my little sister. She was 12 and in a bad relationship like this. It was scary. She attempted to hang herself at one point. I would take all of her actions and comments very seriously! I didn’t date boys until Junior High and it wasn’t like this at all either. We do talk about boys with Ashley a lot. It’s a very open communication. I just hope that your stepdaughter feels that she can talk to at least her mom about this. It’s really sad!
Twitter: Theposhpreneur
says:
I was terrible bully in high school–a total mean girl for sure. It was totally an immaturity thing as well as the fact that I had issues at home and that I felt that at school I was popular and so I was able to be ” in charge” and play out my fristrations there.
I think that sadly it is a part of growing up–my daughter now gets bullied by a few girls at school and I have just tried to teach her to be confident and tell them to leave her alone and I have to teach her how to ignore it and walk away–I wish I could be there with her to defend her but I have to learn to teach her how to defend herself.